Today we have a special feature, a poem by Rebecca Finkel whose wife Flavia was diagnosed 16 months ago with de novo metastatic breast cancer to the lung, bone, spine and brain. Since diagnosis Flavia has had a Craniotomy and a second surgery for Hydrocephalus. Currently all of her mets are stable.
Edited by Barbara Bigelow
Don't Count the Days. Make the Days Count.
By Rebecca Finkel
I remember that day
The day we found out
Our life turned upside down
With the words that came out
It’s cancer she said
That’s what’s causing your pain
As the color left your face
I sat watching it drain
Don’t the doctors know
Or try to understand
The power of their words
And how that they might land
We held hands as we sat
Words flying on right by
Treatment and dozens of tests
As we tried not to cry
Doctors and nurses
They now fill up our day
That pit in our stomach
What will they say?
There is a new pill to help
But it makes you feel quite sick
So, we choose this or the cancer
How are we supposed to pick?
New pills and new treatments
They say to be hopeful
But it’s still 2-3
And we should be grateful?
You see treatment is for life
The only way to skate death
Every three weeks this will be
Wait- until her last breath?
Every 3 months there are scans
Awful thoughts fill our minds
Will it be better or worse?
What will they find?
Just when we think
Ok we can do this
A test will come back
And rip right through us
In quieter moments
We think the list through
Where are our loved ones?
That asked, “what can we do”?
We wish they would just say
“I don’t know what to do “,
And then we would say,
“I know, us too”.
The well intentioned often say
This is a blessing can’t you see?
We see you never heard the words
That brought us to our knees
It’s breast cancer you say.
Oh, that type is so mundane
I guess you still don’t realize
It’s in her bones and also in her brain
Imagine your life
And all of your dreams
Replaced with IV’s, surgeries
And medical teams
Our dreams were not big
Not much to really ask
They have been replaced now
With these wires, this bed, this mask
But it’s a different mask
Then the one we wear out there
Watching the world keep going
Has never felt so unfair
They say she is brave
Oh, so courageous and so strong
In quieter moments she explains
How they are wrong
Of course she is scared,
How could she not be?
A son at home who needs her
And then there is me
Even I don’t recognize
The face that I see
When I glance in the mirror
I wonder how can this be?
Why is this the set of cards
That were put into our hands
The set we were dealt
That changed all our plans
How did we get here?
I beg for an answer
Why do good people
and babies get cancer?
I plead I get it now
The lessons every turn
Can we take it all back now?
I promise we will learn
It doesn’t work like that
We have learned quite quick
There is no reason or misdeed
That makes some people sick
It’s a gamble that we play
With careless disregard
Until the day we realize
We too can pull that card
I want to scream it out loud
Be grateful for your health
It’s so much more important
Than your looks, than your wealth
Because cancer just doesn’t care
Whose life it will destroy
Even with all of your plans and
Kids at home to enjoy
